This summer I was a full time student, and sat in an empty office practicing.

I got memberships to Blockbuster, Hastings and Movie Gallery, and was a regular at the Huntsville movie theatre matinee showings.

So, when I saw the campus crawling with people, I couldn’t handle it. They were everywhere. There were boxes, and old people with U-Hauls.

I thought people stopped graduating high school after I did, but apparently the class of 2008 exists.

I have become content with this news, but when someone asks me where the LSC is I want to close my eyes with the hope that they’ll disappear. I reckon I shouldn’t be too hard on anyone who’s new to Huntsville. I once was, so to expect them to know that AB2 actually exists is like asking a chicken “Where’s the beef?”

It’s madness. The chickens don’t know a thing about beef. They lay eggs, and fill my stomach. They cannot comprehend if I am in the mood for double bacon and cheese.

Tangents aside, I am not calling freshman chickens. I’m just calling them fresh men. Like when the hyenas in the first Lion King movie called Simba “fresh” meat. They did that because they knew he was going to taste really good. I can’t promise that your disfigured uncle won’t try to kill your father to take over Pride Rock. I can promise that you will see stray cats at Belvin, Newton Gresham Library, and everywhere else on campus.

5. Go to the BSM for free lunch on Wednesdays at 12. I will be there.

It’s the circle of life.

You’ll use a print out of your class schedule for a week, and use your bearkat bucks up in a month. You’ll sneak members of the opposite sex into dorms after curfew, and get caught with microwaves under your beds. You’ll get the hang of the Huntsville libido. You’ll call the mall area “The Yard” like you named it yourself, and get used to selling overpriced books at the end of the semester for pesos.

It rules us all.

If you follow these 5 chicken nuggets of wisdom you’ll survive the stampede.

1. Go to class. You’ll have a better chance at making a C.

2. Use your facebook, don’t let it use you.

3. Just because it’s an online class doesn’t mean you can wait until finals week to complete it.

4. Don’t mess with UPD or HPD. They have guns with real bullets, M.I.P’s, and a phone call ready for you.

5. Go to the BSM for free lunch on Wednesdays at 12. I will be there.

Relax, get a lot of free shirts and food, and don’t take yourself too seriously. It’s good to have you reading again. I would say it’s good to be back, but I was here all summer and never left.

So I’ll just say “Whatever. Don’t ask me for directions”